I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
