Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
