Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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