Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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