Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
