how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
