I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I cut my penus on the lid.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
