If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
