You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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