There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
