i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
