we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
