Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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