We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
