i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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