Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
