Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
