I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
