i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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