I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
