i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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