listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
