I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
