dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
