I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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