Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
