May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
