She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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