I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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