your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Let's get the cat blown out
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
