why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Dear god my vagina.
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