I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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