My Higher Power is John Stamos
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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