theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
