I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
It's just like the Real World with babies
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
