And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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