don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
