Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
