A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
