so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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