hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
