Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
