When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
