Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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