Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
