Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
