dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
