At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
