I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
