No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
