you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
