Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
