we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
