there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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