How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
