She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
