Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
zippers are such a cool invention
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
