dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
