As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
