My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
